Advice Illustrated, 18 November 2010: House rules!

Do people need a reminder that the host chooses the guests and sets house rules? I guess so...

Originals HERE.

Letter 1 is from a woman who told her sister that she would be bringing her BF of 5 months along with BF's daughter and granddaughter (!) to the family Thanksgiving sister hosts. Sister is freaking out because while the rest of the family would tolerate BF, they can't stand the thought of having his brood there, too. LW offered not to come, but sister wants her and BF there. What to do? Prudie says LW should drop in, with various configurations suggested.
I say, why are you inviting guests to another person's social occasion? You say: "I said that I would be inviting a gentleman I have been dating for about five months, as well as his daughter and granddaughter". It's her house, and even on a special case event like TG, she chooses who comes to her house. I can't help wonder if there isn't more going on here than meets the eye, when what meets the eye is that you are a pushy broad. Your sister, however, is a loony if she breaks down and suggests cancelling TG. Back to the rule above: it's her house, her dinner, and she can invite whomever she wants, including your BF's progeny, and barring any horrible past behavior or criminal record, they have nothing to say about it. I suggest having dinner at the IHOP; where you can all have separate booths.

The video letter is from a young woman who works in a small firm where her colleagues are all trying to fix her up with an available male colleague. She would ignore it, but she's into the dude. Prudie says go for it.
I say, yawn. I'm having trouble with my internet today, and I am annoyed having to start and stop and reboot and reload and all sorts of crap to hear this dumb letter.

Letter 2 is from a person whose widowed mother has met a new guy. He now comes to every family celebration, and for reasons undisclosed in the letter, all mention of dad is now off the table (supposedly out of deference to new BF). She complained about this (not sure what) to mom, and they had a fight. Prudie says to apologize to mom but to say that if LW feels she wants to speak about her dad, she will.
I say that there is a problem here... you clearly resent your mother's new partner being part of your family. Tough toenails, girl: he is, so deal. Has your mother asked you not to speak of your father because you are unable to do so in a fashion other than one in which new BF is attacked? Yes, on principle you should of course be talking about your father. But I think there's more going on here.

Letter 3 is from a woman who made the mistake of moving in with a guy and waiting around for him to ask her to marry him. He's not going to (because she's snooped around looking for a ring, and nada). Now, while she's invited to his folks' for TG, her parents aren't, because they're not married. Prudie says it's time for her to use that piehole for something other than the pumpkin variety (and BJs) and to SPEAK TO THIS GUY. First, about his rude parents, then about their future.
I say, hell yes! Or maybe go on a sex strike. It's the perfect passive-aggressive response to such situations. (Although an explicit sex strike would be fine: something like: "If we're not enough of a couple for my parents to join us for TG, we're certainly not enough of a couple for you to put your penis in my vagina".)

Letter 4 is from a woman who hosts the family TG. She doesn't like smoking in the house, so has told the smokers that they'll need to go outdoors or in the garage. She's made an exception for her 91-yo grandmother, and that has opened the door to all sorts of whining from the smokers. Prudence very stupidly says that grandmother needs to follow the rules.
I say: HUH? It's her house, she sets the rules, and she can create the reasonable and non-capricious exceptions to the rules. This is why we need laws creating non-smoking areas: because smokers are often boors who don't respect other people, including their guests. And this is why people can't stand militant non-smokers like Prudie, who are unable to get over their loathing of the cigs to allow an old lady a little pleasure in comfort.

Ugh

Advice Illustrated, 11 November 2010: Let's give thanks

The original are HERE.

There are Christmas chocolates in the supermarkets, and Thanksgiving letters to Prudie. Happy holidays!

Letter 1 is from a woman who lies, lies, lies. She recently lied to her husband about spending money at a day spa, and now he thinks she's lying about the paternity of their future first child. Prudie says she needs to get help, and to convince her husband that she's serious about breaking the lying habit.
I say LW should give thanks for such a patient husband. LW is too immature to bring a child into this world. Give it up for adoption or leave it with your husband and go far, far away until you can learn to face "confrontation".

The video letter is from a young woman whose boobs are too big. She's going to have a breast reduction. What should she tell people? Prudie says it's not polite for people to notice any change. Ignore any untoward comments or questions.
I say you should give thanks you have the means to get the breast reduction. And that if anyone asks what happened to your boobs, you reply: "What do you think?" and turn your back to them in a move that will now present fewer issues with rotational inertia.

Letter 2 is from a parent whose teen daughter has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. LW realizes why family Thanksgivings have always been so trying for her, and wants to have a small nuclear family version this year. But how to explain their absence from the big family bash? Prudie suggests saying what she has just written, but to find a way of letting her be part of the family do.
I say you should give thanks you have a loving family, and that you should listen to Prudie and stop treating your daughter as if she had suddently become this fragile flower to keep in the hothouse. What's the big difference now that you know? If you managed to get through Thanksgiving before the diagnosis, why not now? And with your knowledge, you should be able to make it much more enjoyable for everyone.

Letter 3 is from a woman whose mother refuses to let her host Thanksgiving, because people like to eat "good food" for that festive meal. Prudie says not to boycott T'ing, and to be sensitive to her mother's fears of becoming a useless old hag.
I say let's give thanks we live in a country where we're free to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. It seems to provide as much tsuris and strive as joy and good-feeling.

Letter 4 is from a woman who's boss had an affair with a coworker and left the firm for a while. Now he's back, which is better for the firm. But at LW's workplace shower, LW blurted out a comment about manager's qualifications to offer marriage advice. Everyone laughed but she feels horrible. Prudie says that it's no big deal, but she should apologize.
I say let's give thanks this is the only problem you've had holding an inappropriate social event at work. Enough with Thanksgiving, enough with bridal showers, enough with mixing the personal and the professional. You may continue to celebrate Christmas.

Assembly of Non-European Parisians

Today I sat for the first time on the Assembly of Non-European Parisians (Assemblée des Parisiens Extra-Communautaires). I have already served on the equivalent body for the 20th Arrondissement. They are a consultative council that exists mostly in left-wing cities, to offer representation for residents who don't have the right to vote.

France is one of the most backward countries in Europe in terms of the right to vote for long-term residents. The bare minimum required by European treaties applies: EU citizens who reside in France can vote in local and European elections. A Romanian who have lived in France for 6 months can vote, while an Algerian who have lived for 60 years in France cannot.

This would not be such an issue if it were easy to become a French citizen, but it's not at all the case. And so there are large numbers of people who have lived for years in France without the right to vote. These foreign residents councils are designed to defend the rights of foreign residents and promote their right to vote.

Anyhoo, the 20th Arrondissement has 10 delegates to the Parisian Assembly, which met for its new term for the first time today. Things were handled very well. We were welcomed at the entrance to City Hall and sent up for coffee and breakfast pastries in one of the splendid reception rooms overlooking the Seine.

When it came time to open the session, the bailiffs came to lead us to the chamber of the Paris City Council, a room full of wood and history. The deputy mayor for local democracy gave the welcoming speech, followed by the deputy mayor in charge of foreign residents, who ran the meeting.

The main business of the meeting was the choice of the executive committee, made up of one rep from each Arrondissement. We also had to vote on setting up various committees, and choose the committees we'll be serving on. I chose urban planning and development. Will see what happens with it!

Advice Illustrated, 4 November 2010 "Do I have to?"

The original are HERE. The quality of letters seems to be improving a bit. Good job, Slate interns!

The question du jour seems to be "Do I have to?". The answer, usually, is "no". Unless it's "Yes, but fake it".

Letter 1 is from a guy who got away from a drug-addict abusive mother and saved his half brother from a similar fate. Now Mom is indigent, and her parents want LW to support her financially. Prudie says he would be a fool to go without even the most extravagant luxury to help that nasty person.
I say: ditto.

The video letter is from a "sex-starved newlywed". She wants lots of it with her husband, who's only up for it three times a week. She hates initiating. Prudie says that three times a week is OK, but he should be wanting it, not be pushed into it. They need to talk and he has to be encouraged to initiate. If not, get help.
I say: you're newleyweds. It's time to find a man who can meet your needs. I'm sure the Fray can provide many self-proclaimed champs at that.

Letter 2 is from a woman who's tired of the putdowns from her hosts when she attends her husband's cousins annual Thanksgiving dinner. Her husband won't defend her, and she doesn't know if she can defend herself. Prudie says to at least get the husband to acknowledge the hurtfulness of his cousin's behavior. Then she needs to either speak up or put up, or go elsewhere for Thanksgiving.
I say that unless we know just what this dig is, it's hard to know if LW is oversensitive or not. I like Prudie's suggestion for a response. I like even better the suggestion of going elsewhere for Thanksgiving.

Letter 3 is from a woman whose otherwise successful daughter has gone soap-free, because she just loves her natural body oils (and can no longer smell her natural body odor). Should LW butt in? Prudie says yes.
I say: if your mother can't tell you, who can? (And if she really wants to reduce her carbon footprint, she can jump in front of a Prius.)

Letter 4 is from an employee who just can't join in during the motivational pep rallies her employer puts on. Prudie says that she's fine there in the back of the room, and just needs to up the feigned enthusiasm a notch to be considered as a low-normal rather than an asocial misfit.
I say: Between iPhone apps, Facebook, the Fray and pep rallies, when do Americans actually work?

Photoshopped ministers

Marc explains the news from France:

Christine Lagarde is a former lawyer with one of the top US-based international corporate law firms. She's now the French Minister of Finance. And like just about every minister, she is also an elected official to one or more local or regional offices. In her case, she is a member of the Paris City Council and the Municipal Council of the 12th Arrondissement. And like just about every other minister, she never actually does much as a local elected official.

Given that she rarely visits the 12th (too low-end for her?), how to give voters the impression that she actually represents them? The solution found by the publishers of her right-wing party's local newsletter was to Photoshop her into a local scene. And along the way, to remove her bling, so as not to offend the poor working folk of the 12th.

This reminds one of the cover photo of Rachida Dati in Le Figaro (published by Friend of Sarkozy Dasault), where her expensive rings were Photoshopped out of the picture.

Advice Illustrated, 28 October 2010: "Secret toxins"

This week we've got a bit of a theme: secrets about toxins and toxic secrets.

Read the originals HERE.

Letter 1 is from a dude who was invited to his GF's family's vacation home. Family is anti-sex-before-marriage, so they slept in separate bedrooms, but GF convinced LW to have a romp in the backyard, where semi-senile grandma saw them. Now everyone thinks grandma's ready for the home. Should they fess up? Prudie says yes. She also says it's crazy that the family's puritanical values could jeapardize the future of his relationship, and that it's time to put his foot down and tell them to stuff it. Like he stuffs their virginal daughter.
I say that the GF is a nympho slut. They were there for a WEEKEND. You can't wait 48 hours? When you accept an invitation to someone's home, you accept the house rules. Rules on unmarried people having sexual relations in the house (and that includes the yard, in my book) are old fashioned but they are not unreasonable. Of course you have to fess up and accept the consequences. And you might find those consequences less troublesome if you show proper respect for your hosts and contrition for breaking the house rules.

The video letter is once again sponsored by a far-right firm involved in a multi-level marketing scheme. And the writer is about a woman who is paranoid about catching oral herpes. She thinks that persons seem offended when she tells them that they are dirty and contagious Thyphoid Marys. Prudence says she does not need to explain, but that it's likely LW is given off her germophobic vibes bigtime.
I say that LW is a silly germophobe. Large numbers of people have the herpes virus and it's not a huge problem. I wonder if LW, who is so "health conscious" is actually... healthy.

Letter 2 is from a woman whose wedding was RUINED by the post-wedding knowledge that her father was boinking the wedding planner. LW's parents kissed and made up, but LW's memories of the event are RUINED because she knows the TRUTH of what was happening then. She wants to renew her vows for her 15th anniversary, but just how does she justify doing that? Prudie says she doesn't like renewing vows, that she's giving this woman too much power, and that in any case there is no need to explain the decision to renew.
I say that LW is just looking for a reason to bitch about her wedding 15 years ago. So I suggest including the story of how this hussy RUINED YOUR WEDDING in the invitation. An insert card will do. Amazing that it's the sight of the OW that makes you sick, but not that of your dad.

Letter 3 is from a person has accidentally learned that a coworker doing the same job but with less experience but a higher degree is getting paid much more than her. How can she bitch about it? Prudie says there are any number of reasons the coworker is earning more, and that there is no need to bring it up, but that LW can base her future salary negotiations on this knowledge.
I say that the coworker is doing her job much better: her job is getting as much financial compensation as possible for her time and work. You are 6000 USD less competent than her. (We all know that a significant fraction of the wage gap between men and women is due to women's inability or discomfort in bargaining hard for salary.)
I do wonder if the "leak" might not have been intentional...

Letter 4 is from a woman who believes she had had food poisoning from meals made by friends and wants to know if she can keep up the friendship while refusing future dinner invites. Prudie says to invite them over and tell them that their food made her sick.
I say you can refuse invitations but keep up the relationship. Invite them to your place, go out to dinner, go to the theater or movies... Or just put up with the risk of puking.