Advice Illustrated: Finally post Fray

The first post-Fray Advice Illustrated.
View this post and much, much more on The Fly Magazine at http://theflymagazine.blogspot.com/

Letter 1 is from a woman who is haunted by her abusive mother. Prudie says to get therapy, and stop giving this evil woman such power. I say, yeah.

Video letter is from a guy who has a casual kissing thing (?) with this woman. That woman lives elsewhere and has a BF. But now he's hooked on the first woman's sister. Is that gross? Prudie says he's not hooked on the sister. I say, to answer the question, no, it's not gross. Think of Jacob with Leah and Rebecca. It's all cool.

Letter 2 is from a slacker jerk who was a bad employee, slovenly, bad attitude, etc. (yet still managed to keep his job... I don't get that). Now he's turned over a new leaf and has gone corporate and responsible. But none of his colleagues take his change in behavior seriously. Whine, whine, whine. Prudie says it will take time, and then says what I say, in the words of my mother: "So you want a medal for that?".

Letter 3 is from a guy who shares everything with his GF, and vice versa. Among the thoughts she has shared with him is that she at times finds him unattractive. Prudie says that honesty is not the best policy, and we have jaws that can close and stay closed. I say, this woman doesn't know men, and she's just begging for her dude to go limp. I say DTMFA in any case: who makes this kind of comment once, let alone twice? She's sending a pretty clear message.

Letter 4 is from a woman who disagrees about who should be the guardians of their children in case she and her husband die. She wants one of the pairs of elderly grandparents. He wants his sister and her husband. All are financially able to manage, but she thinks the aunt and uncle live too far away, are childless, and cold. Prudie says they can make a choice and change that choice later. I say, would you want a 70-year-old to take on such a daunting task? Children are lots of work, and humans are programmed to have them young because of that. What happens in 10 years, when those 60-70 year olds are 70-80 year olds?

Advice Illusrated: Post Fray?

Too obvious, I know.

Letter 1 is from a woman whose husband of two years has been cheating on her. The other woman says it's been a long-thing, he says it was a one-off ages ago. She still likes him and is in therapy, but doesn't really believe him. Prudie says she's right to doubt him: he didn't confess, he got caught. Prudie says to ask the other woman for proof of an on-going affair. I say: pretend it never happened. Become monogamish. You really don't want to know, do you? Make sure he arranges things in the future so that you don't find out.

Video letter is from a woman whose father and step-mother ("his wife") drive her crazy on their annual visit. Prudie says to tell them they'll be staying at a motel for future visits, but that in the big scheme of things, she's got it lucky. I say, yeah, whatever. And when they ask if this or that item in your house is new, is it so very hard to say "yes" or "no"?

Letter 2 is from a woman whose friend has invited her to her wedding. She also invited LW's mother, but not her father. When LW called to find out why, "friend" told her that since her father has been given only weeks to live, it wasn't worth planning on him coming months from now to her wedding. Prudie says the "friend" is a pig and for all to decline the invitation and drop this humunculouse as a "friend". I say it's time for all their mutual friends to know, too. You might send a card, though, saying "I was going to send you a wedding gift, but since you're going to die at some point, I figured it wasn't worth it."

Letter 3 is from a recent grad working for Americorps and living at home whose parents have decided to stick him for half of his expensive private college education (after telling him not to go to a state school). And now they've sold their vacation home to cover his college costs, and they want to use some of the leftover cash to go on an expensive vacation with him, and with him paying his "share". Prudie says to tell them that if they had expected him to pay for his education, they needed to make that clear before, and that he will not be joining them on their vacation. And to get a job and get out of their home ASAP.
I say: Why is it so expensive? Back in my day, we had financial aid, based on ability to pay. This guy's parents are nuts, and seem to be poor financial planners if they have to seel their vacation home to pay for their child's education. This is confirmed by the fact that the first thing they decided to do with the excess cash was to blow it on a dream vacation. How about putting it away for your retirement? In any case, these are a pair of creeps.

Letter 4 is from a young woman whose mentally retarded male neighbor is always hanging around trying to chat with her. Put up with it or get him to stop? And how?  Prudie says to chat when she can, and to tell his mother that there are groups providing activities for mentally retarded adults. And also about how we should use a term other than "mentally retarded". I say that I don't really know. This could get creepy/dangerous at some point. The LW makes him sound kind of stalkery. I think if I were her I might be a bit afraid. His mental age is 8 but his body is 25, and it sounds like he's not gotten as much support as he could have growing up.

16 septembre 2011 / Koh Lanta

Ambition de Maxime : décimer sa propre équipe pour se retrouver tout seul à la réunification. Maxime premier éliminé après la réunification. Fin stratège.

La faute de Lisa d'après Florence : elle a été gentille avec moi ET avec quelqu'un d'autre. C'était louche.

Après les jeunes contre les vieux et les hommes contre les femmes, cette année TF1 nous propose les Nordistes contre les gens normaux.

Les jaunes vont faire exprès de perdre pour pouvoir virer Gégé, aka l'Edenté, aka Robert Hue, aka le Nain de jardin, aka celui qui hélas ne s'est pas noyé.

Gégé : si tu es deshydraté, faut arrêter avec les larmes...

Advice Illustrated: Just whose advice do you REALLY want, people!?

A week with TWO letters submitted to and answered by other advice columnists! This as gotten OUT OF HAND!

In the words of Josh M (aka Sparkle Joshua):

I

WILL

NOT

HAVE

IT

!

Letter 1 is from a woman who has learned that her newborn is at risk for a hereditary disease. She thinks her MIL knew she has the disease and didn't warn her son and LW. She thinks MIL kept mum cuz she wanted grandchildren. LW hates, hates, hates her MIL and wants to keep her away from her precious child.
Prudie gives all sorts of good advice, with a lot of research behind it. All well and good.
Here's mine: I am amazed and disgusted that you are obsessed with your MIL's behavior, and showing no interest or compassion in your husband's situation.The only way your child can have this disease is if your husband has it. Shouldn't you show some degree of concern about him and what he must be experiencing? (Let alone his situation with a mother who does have a horrible disease.)

But you don't. It's all about your baby that deserves to be perfect because you are the perfect woman and perfect mother and will do everything perfectly to have a perfect baby with a perfect life. You have sacrificed so much to have that child! Bed rest, for goodness sake!

And your mother's medical condition really is her business. If anything is private, it is that. Sharing this risk would have been the right thing to do, but you do not even know if she knew: in fact she DIDN'T KNOW. "My mother-in-law says she didn't really know it was HD; she just thought it was something old people get." Why is that so hard to believe?

Oh, but she's a devious woman, who knew but hid the truth just to have a grandchild. And now you are going to punish her by preventing her from having one. Do you realize what you are accusing her of? She is keeping her own son in ignorance of a medical risk, and promoting the birth of a child, just for these selfish reasons.

Your hormones and the distress of this bad news go some way to explaining your horrible behavior, but not that far. You are being a nasty selfish person. Get help.

The video letter is a double of a Miss Manners letter. http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=23682951

Dear Miss Manners,
I have exceedingly long hair. It comes to my knees, and between that and its auburn color, it attracts a lot of attention when I wear it down. I am not a vain person, and I don't often wear makeup or spend a lot of time fussing over my appearance, but my hair is my one vanity and of necessity, it takes a considerable amount of maintenance.

I realize that something as unusual as my hair is bound to be an attractive nuisance, but some people go beyond the bounds of what is acceptable. I have had complete strangers walk up behind me and touch my hair! However, while unwanted touching can usually be resolved with a simple request, there is one particular series of events which occurs with distressing frequency and is much more difficult to resolve.

I am frequently complimented on my hair, but it seems that around three quarters of the time, the person in question follows up with "You should donate it to Locks of Love." It has taken 13 years of meticulous care to get the hair I have, and I have no intention of cutting it off. People wouldn't generally be so rude as to tell me to make other sorts of charitable donations, so I don't know how to respond to this particular demand.

Gentle Reader,
On the contrary, those who consider themselves to be charitable do, all too often, believe that this virtue entitles them to be rude to individuals. And soliciting contributions from people's bodies is not just rude but creepy.

Miss Manners suggests your acknowledging that Locks of Love is a worthy organization, but that you have other charities to which you devote your efforts, as you presumably do. If you want to mention the donation of kidneys as an example, and stare at the relevant area of those who covet your hair, Miss Manners will not object.

Miss Manners' advice is far better.

Letter 2 is a double of a Cary Tennis letter published TODAY! http://www.salon.com/life/since_you_asked/index.html?story=/mwt/col/tenn/2011/09/14/cheated_once

A guy is all guilty cuz he had a one-night-stand while he was with his girlfriend (later his fiancée, now his wife). Two years later, he is racked by guilt. He says he has a "double life", which Prudie rightly points out makes him delusional. Cary Tennis tells him to go to a 12-step program (but that's just Cary Tennis boilerplate) and CONFESS. Prudie tells him to get over himself, realize it was not a big thing, and make his wife happy. Prudie's advice is FARRRR better (but Cary Tennis is a low bar for advice, when you can actually get some out of his stuff).

Letter 3 is a liar, because she claims she had a HS GPA of 4.6, when the top is 4.0. She was such a go-getter, but somehow did not get an Ivy-League education, nor a high-flying job. She's mopy about what "could have been".
Prudie says it's a bit early for LW to consider her life a failure. Get help for what seems to be depression, and work on getting the job you want. As for me, bleh. She lost me with her 4.6 GPA BS. As Prudie says, no one cares about your GPA after you leave HS, and certainly not about your "weighted GPA". Your weighted ego is keeping you down!

Letter 4 is from a woman whose predecessor in her job was "both obnoxious and incompetent". Her superiors and coworkers keep telling her how much better she is. Four months of this seems a bit much.
Prudie says they will stop telling her how wonderful she is soon enough. I say: start being obnoxious and incompetent. That'll stop those irksome compliments.

Advice Illustrated: Miss Manners edition

Letter 1 is from Christopher Plummer in Beginners. Keep your piehole shut. You can be out and proud when and if the wife croaks.

Video letter was submitted to Miss Manners quite a while ago. http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=18709504

Dear Miss Manners,
My brand-new husband and I eloped late last year due to the financial cost of having a wedding. We sent out announcements to both of our extended families to notify them of our happy news, and received a most horrid gift in return: my husband's aunt and uncle had co-written a book on marital infidelity and sent it along with a card inviting us to attend (and pay for) one of their weekend seminars. They even went so far as to autograph the inside cover.

My husband and I have never had so much as a heated argument, much less an affair on either side. We're both offended and positive this was an act of self-promotion. Our question is, do we write a thank-you note for an offensive gift? Thank you for your insight.

Gentle Reader,
It doesn't take much insight to know that these people were more interested in advertising their wares than in celebrating your marriage. Still, Miss Manners is afraid that you do have to thank them. She suggests something along the lines of "We were both shocked and saddened to read of these troubled marriages, but all the more grateful -- as we are sure you intended -- for our own happiness."

Prudie's advice was similar.

Letter 2 is from a woman whose new guy wants to adopt her child. Child is creeped out by adoption and by his desire to change her name. Prudie says to drop the power struggle with a 4-year-old, and to chill. I say: if new daddy wants everyone to have the same name, why isn't he taking his new wife's name? Or hyphenate? Compromise, people!

Letter 3 is from a physician who knows another doctor arrested for child porn on his home PC. He now wants a recommendation for a child-safe job. LW thinks the guy would do a good job and wants to help him get his life back. Should he tell employers about the arrest? And he says: "I don't want to risk being tainted by having any association with this guy."
Prudie wisely points out the extremes to which "child pornography" has been taken (like "she looks young"). She also says to tell doctor that he will give the recommendation, but will mention the arrest.
I guess I'm OK with Prudie's advice. Except of course that we only know that he was arrested. Not charged, not convicted.

Letter 4 is from a guy whose wife insisted on stopping to get a hostess gift on the way to a dinner party, making them late. Prudie says it's better to be on time and empty-handed. I say that based on my Miss Manners catch-up, the custom of bringing food and drink is not the best idea. You imply that the host has not planned properly, and the implied requirement to consume the gift can upset their plans. You can send flowers in advance, and you must write a thank you note, and most important: reciprocate! As for Prudie's personal solution, not everyone is a lush like you.

Advice Illustrated: Y'all are wasting our time

Useless bunch of time wasters.

Letter 1 is from a mom who thinks her FIL is a pedophile and doesn't want to leave her daughter alone with him. Her husband doesn't want to deal with his father and so says nothing. You are such a fool. I hope her daughter (and son) survive her obvious horrible mothering skills. If your own FIL gives you the creeps, your duty is to protect your children, not his feeling.

Video letter is from a guy who's been going out with a chainsmoker for three years. He would like to propose, but can't get beyond the smoking, which he sas he "can't stand". Well, apparently you can stand it, since you've been with her for three years. Prudie says there are ways to manage together, including a promise not to smoke during any pregnancy. I can't imagine any romance with a smoker unless he was very smoking. If you've gotten this far, I don't see what marriage changes. And do you really want this complete stranger to tell you how to make the most important decision of your life?

Letter 2 is from a woman who snooped and found out that her BF is trying to hook up with other women (all of whom give him the brushoff, so you just know he's a real catch). She doesn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him she knows he's a creep. You are such a fool. DTMFA. He's trying to cheat on you and you really give a rat's ass abouthis feelings?

Letter 3 is from a woman who will be making the maid of honor's toast at her BFF's wedding. Should LW mention the bride's mom, who died not that long ago? It might offend dad's new GF! You are such a fool. Do you really need Prudie's advice on whether or not you should pretend that your friend had no mother? And for fear of offending her dad's new piece of ass?

Letter 4 is from a woman whose BF found 80 USD on the sidewalk in front of a theater and left it with the box office. Should they have kept the money? You are such a fool. There is no "right" answer, but it's never wrong to not keep something that's not yours.