Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from a 50yo wife of a brain-damaged husband. She doesn't want to leave him, because the burden would just be on her children. But she misses sex, etc. Can she take a lover? Of course. But be discreet. Prudie agrees, in a more enlightening fashion.

Video letter is from Mercedes Benz, and then about a girl whose mom made them stay at mom's bro's place in NYC during a visit, despite the fact that the place stank of cat. She left for a hotel, infuriating everyone at her “rudeness”. If she's old enough to pay for her own hotel, then she's old enough to choose to go to the hotel. As Prudie says: is her entire family crazy? (But just where did she think they were doing to stay? This is weird.)

Letter 2 is so bad it must be quoted in extenso:

“My husband and I are happily married with two children. Over the years, my husband's sister and her husband have struggled with infertility. They finally asked if I would act as a surrogate. My husband and I did not take this lightly, but we decided to help them. Last year I gave birth to a lovely daughter. I lost the weight easily after my first two pregnancies but have been struggling after this one and am embarrassed about my slow progress. My sister-in-law has started making insensitive remarks about my body that would be rude in any circumstances but cut more deeply given that I gained this weight while pregnant with her daughter. At Thanksgiving, she said I’d need to work out extra hard to make up for what was on my plate. At a family birthday, she suggested I get only a small slice of cake. What, if anything, should I say to my sister-in-law when she makes these hurtful remarks? If she asked me to be a surrogate again, I’d refuse because of her attitude. But would that be selfish?”

The question asked is: “would that be selfish?”. The answer is: “no”. The follow-up is: “did you really want an answer to that particularly dumb question, or did you want to bitch about your SIL?”

She's a bitch. Here's what you say the next time she makes a comment: “It's true I got fat bearing your child. It's a pity God hates you so much he made you a barren sterile hag” or “a dried-up crone with a uterus full of twigs”, if you'd rather.

Letter 3 is from the head of a small family-style (hah!) departement in a big firm. His latest hire is destroying the cozy atmosphere of the place, but “a friend in HR” says he can't fire the guy since he hasn't done anything wrong. Prudie says to get real action from HR. If he's an at-will employee, as is very likely (since those labor unions are so eeeviiiill), he can be dumped. I say that he is overestimating the lovely atmosphere before (“like a family” makes my skin crawl), but that yes, he should get rid of the guy.

Letter 4 is from an uptight woman who is going on a family vacation with her husband and son and inlaws. She wants each family to cook separately so that her child doesn't eat hot dogs and hamburgers. Prudie says to get off her nutritional soapbox. I agree.

Advice Illustrated: I agree with Prudence (yikes!)

Letter 1 is from this scrotum whose GF of six months (and “love of his life”) is the maid of honor at her BFF's wedding. Problem is she's maid out (!) with three of the groomsmen, including the best man, who apparently is pining after her. It's all so so painful: should he skip the wedding? Best part: “She said I should consider how she feels, having to participate in a wedding along with these guys. That makes sense, but those are the repercussions of her actions.” Yeah, the bitch had sex (or something close to it). Good thing all she got was discomfort, and not a STI, or a baby. How dare she have sexual relations in her circle of friends?!
I say, skip the wedding, and skip the relationship, you insecure pathetic lamester.
What does Prudie say? She says to suck it up, get modern, and go to the wedding.

Video letter's entitled “Psycho Wedding Guest”. So that's great. LW is getting married and her fiancé's BFF will be the best man, but BFF's wife (LW's former BFF!) is crazy and did all sorts of crazy things. A police report was filed! Can they have him but not her?
A police report? And...? Charges? A trial? As Prudie says, this is a social event, but you can't have him without her, so he can't be the best man, or even a guest. I agree. When you marry a crazy, there are repercussions, such as being a social pariah. (But I think there's much more to this story and wouldn't mind hearing the crazy's version.)

Letter 2 is from a woman whose husband's father is a wastrel and a spendthrift. On the brink of ruin, he's about to be taken in by LW's MIL, who herself has divorced her second horrible husband (I'm correcting the LW's version, which said “horrible second husband”). When it all goes to hell, LW knows her husband will have to pick up the pieces.
I have little empathy with people who have millions of dollars to waste on wine, women and song. These are literally rich people's problems. Prudie says LW and hubbie are not his parents' keepers. I agree.

Letter 3 is from a woman whose prankster husband's latest “prank” got him fired after nearly killing a coworker. She's taken the coworker's side and is disgusted by her husband. I say, DTMFA and find a man to marry this time, rather than a kid. Prudie agrees, in a more moderate fashion.

Letter 4 is from a student teacher interning with a horrible teacher. She needs a good evaluation from the teacher, but would really like to report the witch. I say: play nice, get the evaluation, and when you're settled in your profession, rat her out. Like anyone cares... Prudence agrees.

Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from a liar. LW told her BF that she "wanted to make all his sexual fantasies come true", but when he told her what his (pretty vanilla) fantasy was, she freaked. Not GGG at all! He wants her to play a young girl. Prudie wisely (surprising!) says there's a difference between fantasy and reality, giving the example of some women who have rape fantasies.

Video letter is from a woman whose husband keeps provoking nighttime sex even after she asked to stop that. She wakes up to find him screwing her, and screams to get him stop. He says "he can't help it".
He can help it, and this is abuse, or even rape. Prudie says he may have a sleep disorder. But if not, it's time for urgent counseling. I'm inclined to say that if there's no medical cause, DTMFA.

Letter 2 is from a woman whose 17yo step daughter, who lives with LW and her husband, wants to terminate her unplanned pregnancy. Biomom, who step-daughter sees regularly, is anti-choice and anti-contraception (a dangerous combo). LW isn't sure she wants to support this abortion, because she could raise the baby (huh?). But step-daughter has plans for her future that are incompatible with single teen momdom. LW could manage to help SD but doesn't want to hide this from her husband (who is also anti-abortion, and apparently would "go on a rampage". But if she helps SD, biomom will go ballistic.

Prudie says to go to Planned Parenthood to learn the legal options, etc., adding: "Despite inflammatory political rhetoric, the mission of Planned Parenthood is not to perform abortions, but to provide the crucial services that prevent unwanted pregnancies." Dear Prudie: the opponents of abortion know that, and don't care. They are against contraception, too. They are against anything that allows women to control their bodies and their reproduction. Cf Rick Santorum. HERE. And alas, she'll have to inform her husband.

Girls (and guys): Belts and braces! Contraceptives AND condoms. (And let's give a hand for Obama's refusal to accept medical recommendations re Plan B. Thank goodness Americans have a progressive president in the White House.)

Letter 3 is from a guy who works at a place where the 20yo receptionist sucks her thumb. Everyone, including her boss, can see this, but no-one has done anything. Should he say something? Prudie says to say nothing to her, but to tell higher ups that LW feels the receptionist is giving the place a bad image. Yeah.

Letter 4 is from a woman... read it yourself HERE. It's too boring. Oh, alright, but I can't be bothered to summarize:

I host a book club at my apartment. At a recent gathering one woman brought a pair of boots she was planning to return to the store. I don’t know why she brought them, since the store would have been closed by the time we finished. I did not see the boots, but she asked me for a paper bag to put them in. The day after the book club, she emailed saying she had left the boots at my house and wanted to get them. I searched my apartment and couldn’t find a grocery bag with the boots anywhere. I emailed the group to see if someone accidentally picked them up, and no one responded. I told her that they may have inadvertently been recycled since we were using the same type of grocery bags to collect bottles and cans that evening. I also suggested she may have left with them and misplaced them afterward. She is adamant that they went missing at my place and has hinted that I should pay for them. Do I owe her for the cost of the boots?

Prudie says to ignore her hinting, and if she asks outright, to calmly refuse. Yeah.

Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from a silly girl who is mortified because she farted in bed. If I were Prudence I would have played with her head more, because she's such an easy target.

Video letter is from a woman whose friend has a precocious 9yo son. He's an obnoxious manipulative boor. I say, when he behaves badly to you, leave. 

Prudie compares the kid to Stewie Griffin and suggests seeing her BFF without the kid.

Letter 2 is from a person who has learned that their friend and business partner is going to die. Friend is in denial. At the least, this impacts their business and other partners. Ugh. Prudie says the partners at least have to know, so give the friend one last chance to come clean. Ahem. Re pronoses, I recall Stephen J. Gould's analysis of his own diagnosis of cancer: http://cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html

Letter 3 is from a crazy lesbian who is letting her girlfriend influence her with regard to LW's "relationship" with her crazy, racist, homophobic estranged father. I say: tell the GF to stuff it. This biological sample donor was not part of your life for some 20 years, and won't ever be a part of your life. Period.

Letter 4 is from a well-educated dummy who wonders if the low-income applicant to his alma mater is really low income. That, dear sir, is the role of the financial aid procedure, not amateur google-detectives.

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