Friday, October 15, 2010

Dear Prudence, 14 Oct 2010: All-in-one

Dear Prudence,

I recently came into a bit of money and decided to use some of it as a down payment on my dream house, which I was able to buy at a bargain basement price. I have recently learned why: the house was used as a puppy mill where they carried out in-house vivisection experiments. I'm a dog lover (I can't even bear to eat hot d*gs), so this has really shaken me up. I'm waken up in the middle of the night by the imaginary sounds of puppies whimpering.

As a result of this stress, I've fallen back on a bad habit I thought I had kicked: unnecessary dental work. While I'm under the gas, I can finally relax and not think the bad doggy thoughts.

Anyway, now that I have a house with a garden, my sister has decided that I can be her free dog sitter. I would be fine with this, but she refuses to clip her dog's claws, and they would ruin my newly refinished hardwood floors. When she came by with the dog last night, I was still under the effect of the sedative, and I said some things I probably shouldn't have, starting with a request for the dog to wear doggy slippers. I have no memory of what I said, but this time my sister had the foresight to bring her camcorder, and I must admit that I was really a piece of work.

My sister is furious with me, and tells me that until I get my dental-induced outbursts under control, she wants nothing more to do with me. The entire family is taking her side. What makes it even worse is that I have no teeth left to be worked on.

So my question to you, Prudie, is whether you know a dentist who gives gas for tooth cleaning.


White Fang

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