Thursday, October 13, 2011

AI: Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from a woman who hates guns, and whose husband really wants to kill people. 'He feels everyone has the right to bear arms.' Well, 'right' does not mean 'obligation'. 'I don't understand the point in having one for defense if it's locked up.' Indeed. 'Please Mr Home Invader ! Would you mind waiting there while I go to my gun cabinet in the locker and open the combination lock ?' This dispute is blocking their reproductive plans.
You don't want a gun in your house. If he brings a gun in your house, you can't live there. That's the end of the story : it's a dealbreaker.
Prudie says each has a point, and their (his in particular) refusal to admit the other has a point is disturbing. She says to go to a firing range (huh?) 'If your husband won’t get certified in safety and basic skills, then he’s undone his own argument about gun ownership.'

Video letter is from a mom who takes her kid to swim lesson, during which she manages to steel herself to wear a swimsuit. A dad has started taking first photos of his kid in the pool, and now VIDEO. Can she ask him to stop?
Prudie says to get over herself. So do I. (But thanks for drown-proofing your child: you're a crazy lady but a good parent.)

Letter 2 is from a newlywed man whose wedding was a disaster involving bloodshed and felony charges. Do they return their wedding gifts from the assaillant and victim ? Apologize to the other guests ?
At last an interesting wedding question. Prudie uses 'bloodshed' and 'assailant' too. Hee !
Prudie says no need to return gift from the killer. Tell victim you won't be cashing check, and offer to use some wedding gift money (namely from killer) for his expenses.

Letter 3 is from a woman whose friend lost her hair to chemo. Friend has always admired LW's hair, so LW wants to surprise her with a wig made from LW's hair. LW's hubbie thinks it lacks 'propriety'.
Prudie agrees. I don't. I would reformulate the gift : do it, and tell your friend you're donating the wig to an organization that does this kind of thing. Say that if she would like it herself, you would be honored to give it to her directly.
Prudie says there are other ways to help (meals, etc.). I say : we have no information that LW is not already doing all that.

Letter 4 is from a woman who lives far from her parents, resulting in infrequent but long visits. Her parents prefer that LW and family visit them, but parents are disgusting hoarder types.
Prudie correctly wonders if this is new behavior, and if it is, that there's something wrong with the parents that needs to be dealt with medically etc. In any case, refuse to go there and tell them to come to you.
Yes, was that so hard ?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Advice Illustrated: Grow up!

Letter 1 is from a guy who's not getting enough sex from his wife, so he frequents prostitutes, which he says is more honorable than having an affair. Wife refuses counseling. He gets along with her and a divorce would destroy his relationship with his kids.
Prudie says he was wrong to marry her if he knew they were so incompatible. He needs to press her to reestablish their relationship. He needs to think of the risk of exposure, arrest, etc. while usig prostitutes. And, oh, STIs.
I would say that by refusing to allow you to have sex with her, she's giving you approval to get it elsewhere. But why are whores "more honorable" than an affair? An affair can be just about sex. and it would be far better with respect to STIs. And about that little detail: if you're sleeping with other people, she has an absolute right to know. How about this message: "Dear, I want our marriage to work, but I have legitimate needs you refuse to meet. Either we work on this, or you are putting me in a situation where I will have to look elsewhere. If you can't bear that idea, we will have to divorce. If you can bear it, you will have to decide if you want to continue to have sex with each other, knowing that I am sleeping with others and potentially putting you at risk.

Video letter is from a gal whose husband takes naughty photos of the neighbor ladies. Is it illegal? Prudie correctly says that this is a dumb question, and that she needs to divorce him.

Letter 2 is from a man in his late 70s who doesn't want to go to his 60th high school reunion because they voted him "most likely to succeed." He hasn't "if success is defined by 'wealth'," He asks: "How do I overcome my feelings of inadequacy because I am not 'successful'?" OMG this is a joke, right? You are inadequate, please jump off a bridge you worthless piece of matter.

Letter 3 is from a dad who raised his son after the death of his wife. Son is now adult, and regularly visits and calls. When dad emailed to confirm his latest trip, son replied with mistake with an email to his GF stating: "F--k , my dad arrives tomorrow morning. Arg. Arg. I am sorry baby." LW flipped (why?). He has refused to speak to his son. Did he overreact? Did Adam do it with Eve? You bet he did, and so did you (overreact). Prudie agrees, but says the son was also wrong, but LW needs to make the first step. I say: WTF! His "fuck" was related to cancelling plans with his GF, and has nothing to do with his pleasure seeing you. You have made a mountain out of an anthill (the email mixup, not the content). Grovel!

Letter 4 is from a girl whose friend has been organizing her 24th birthday "weekend", with lots of drunkenness scheduled. Friend has invited herself to LW's place on night 2, because she'll be too drunk to drive (no news on where she plans to sleep on night 1, when she'll also be too drunk to drive... and just what is "not too drunk to drive"?). LW wants to see her own BF that weekend, hates the bar, and would prefer the BF and other guys to join night 2 (planned as girls only). BDay girl refuses, pouts, and is making a big deal about LW even suggesting such a thing. The goyls "said I was wrong because it was her birthday and she should get to celebrate how she wants."
Prudie is rightly amazed that a 24yo gets a "birthday weekend" with two parties. But she's not even inviting you, she's telling you where to go and how to spend your money, which you're under no obligation to do. Why do you want to be friends with these people? It would be hard to uninvite her crashpadding, but you don't have to go to her grand drunken affair. Prudie agrees.