Thursday, April 29, 2010

DP April 29 All-in-one

The original letters and answers can be found HERE.

Dear Prudie,

I'm engaged to a wonderful man, who happens to be my my supervisor at work. Most of the time he's just so wonderful, but once in a while, particularly at lunchtime, he drinks a wee bit too much. He gets all weepy and emotional and I have to drag him into my cubicle to get him out of sight of my colleagues. As you can imagine, this is seriously impairing my ability to get my job done. Once he got so drunk that he shat in his pants, and I had to race out to Kmart to get him a pair of replacement underpants and tuh-RRRRousers, and missed an important call... which he had the nerve to criticize me for. I am glad that he has stopped going out at night to bars to get drunk, after an incident last year when he hit a deer while driving home from a night on the town.

Almost worse is that although he is totally gorgeous, all the drinking has made him neglect his acne treatment, and he is now covered in zits, which as a dermatologist's daughter I find particularly icky. And in the home stretch to the wedding, he has had his best friend from back home (who will be his best man at our wedding) move in with us. It turns out that the guy is 100% trailer trash, and has come equiped with this huge pit bull sort of dog that he keeps on a choke collar pegged on a short chain in our backyard, which is doing no good for my image with the neighbors. (They already have some strange ideas about us, ever since I put those shit-stained boxers of my fiancé on our clothesline in the backyard... I am environmentally conscious, and the Green Lantern would certainly look askance at me throwing them out, or worse, using our clothes dryer.)

I have to admit that all of this has factored into some serious questioning about going through with the wedding. I even looked up my high-school sweetheart, about whom I often daydream. It turns out that he was run over by a hit-and-run driver last year, so my plan B is off the table. And so, after thinking about my situation, I need your advice about an important matter:

How do I get my fiancé to accept that we won't be putting Stoli on our bridal registry?


Blush bride

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mais que fait l'Etat-providence !?!

Lu dans Le Parisien d'aujourd'hui :

Le piège de l’horodateur

Alexandre se souviendra de son entretien d’embauche à Boulogne-Billancourt. Une fois garé [garé ? il y a bien plusieurs stations de métro à Boulogne !], il réalise qu’il n’a pas de monnaie sur lui [il prend sa bagnole, mais ne prévoit pas de monnaie pour stationner ?] pour assouvir l’appétit de l’horodateur. Pas grave, il retire de l’argent, puis demande des pièces en échange d’un billet aux rares commerçants ouverts [Méchants commerçants, pas ouverts quand ça arrange Alexandre !]. Avec à chaque fois la même réponse : « Désolé, mais on ne fait plus la monnaie. Il y a trop de gens qui nous en demandent. » [Alexandre ne pense pas acheter quelquechose à ces commerçants pour obtenir de la monnaie ? Alexandre est bouché ?] Alexandre était arrivé en avance, mais l’heure du rendez-vous pour l’entretien d’embauche approche. De guerre lasse, il se voit contraint d’abandonner sa voiture sans le précieux ticket. [Même pas foutu de mettre un mot d'explication ?] Et ce qui devait arriver arriva : à son retour, un papillon vert orne le pare-brise. Furieux, Alexandre se fend d’un courrier au maire. Sa conclusion : « Je tiens à vous remercier d’avoir créé ce piège [Oui, le gros piège du stationnement payant...] et vous demande de transmettre mes amitiés à vos concitoyens qui sont d’une grande courtoisie. » [Ce sont vos concitoyens aussi... le mot "administrés" aurait été plus adapté.]

Friday, April 23, 2010

Dear Prudence, April 22, One-by-one, Rashomon edition

Original letters and responses HERE.

H/T to Shotsie.

Dear Prudence,

I've had a successful career in a youth-oriented field. I am a fairly well-known radio host, and have the pleasure of attending many events. I'm also fortunate to have retained a youthful appearance, due to clean living, a balanced diet, regular exercise, plenty of rest, and good genes. And working around young people does great things to help keep me feeling and acting vibrant and happy.

But I've become a bit less happy since a new employee has "discovered" a "secret" that was a secret to no-one but her: the fact that while I may look 25, I'm actually -- gasp! -- 40. Ever since this discovery, I have been subject to nasty looks, snide remarks, and tasteless and offensive birthday "gifts", like hormone cream.

In response to this harassment, I did some digging on my own, and learnt that this young woman's credentials are not quite what she wrote on her CV when applying for the job. For example, she never completed the degree work for the university diploma she claims to have earned.

My question to you, Prudie, is: should I narc her anonymously, or should I make sure she knows just who got her sorry ass kicked onto the street?


Older and wiser than that young tramp
VLW: Dear Prudence,

I often visit a friend, but i've begun to think I should put a stop to it. Every time I come over, he can't stop giving me these nasty sidelong looks of reproach. I can't figure out what he's angry about, and when I ask, he says nothing's wrong. For a while I thought it might be about me putting my feet on his coffee table, but I know it can't be that, since he puts his own feet on the table quite often. I used to enjoy spending time with him, because he's usually such a warm and welcoming host, but things have changed so much, I think I'm just going to have to stop stopping by.

My question is: do I just stop going, or do I tell him why?


Tabling the question

LW2: Dear Prudence,

Last year my husband and I were in a terrible car accident. A crazy driver decided she absolutely couldn't stand driving at the speed limit one more minute and tried to pass a truck pulling a horse van. She didn't see us coming in the opposite lane, and ran us off the road. I lost the baby I was carrying, and suffer a lifelong visual impairment. My husband lost both legs, and has limited use of his left arm. Our life has been ruined by this thoughtless young woman. I hate her so much, but she died in the accident, so I have no-one to cry out my pain to.

How can I get over this?


The criminal got off too easy

LW3: Dear Prudence,

A few weeks ago I did something quite foolish. I hooked up with a guy in a bar, and he took me back to the place he was staying. I had had a few drinks and didn't realize it was not his place, but rather the home of one of my brother's friends, and the guy I was making out with was an old college friend of this guy. Anyway, the homeowner's wife found us making out on the couch, and totally freaked out. I quickly got dressed and left, but since then, this woman has made my life hell. She took the video from her nannycam and has posted it on the Facebook pages of all my family and friends, and has even taken out an ad in the local paper describing me as a harlot and a slut.

I couldn't figure out why she decided to make me the target for her insane hatred until I grilled the guy I was making out with, and he told me she had come on to him several times, and each time he had refused her passes, not wanting to betray his college friend, her husband.

My question to you: Should I fight fire with fire and start posting this info on Facebook?


Eye-for-an-eye, Facebook post for a Facebook post?

LW4: Dear Prudence,

I have any number of hobbies, but I'm careful to try to share them with my wife. Despite my best efforts, she shows no interest, and even mocks some of my pastimes.

I'm now thinking of taking up a hobby which I couldn't share with her in any case.

My question is: blonde or redhead?


Extracurricular activator

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Le cumul des mandats explained

Marc explains the news from France.

The cumul des mandats means elected officials holding multiple offices. It's shocking for Americans, but common in France. Here, you can run for office while already holding another office. The public say they oppose it, and recent laws have limited it, but when those members of the public enter the voting booth, they seem to have no problems with their full-time mayor also being a full-time member of a regional council and a full-time member of the national and European parliaments. Part of it is habit, part of it is status, part of it is financial calculation: having your mayor as a minister can bring pork to town, and having your mayor as an MP can be handy for getting a traffic ticket canceled.

What prompts my rant of the day is this story from 20 Minutes, in which I learn that one limitation on the cumul des mandats isn't really one. You see, there is a limit on the total compensation an elected official can earn from his offices. He can hold multiple offices, but he can only collect a limited amount of cash for doing it (he still keeps all his other benefits, office expenses, travel expenses, etc.). But according to the article, he can transfer any excess compensation over his limit to another elected official! Huh? The compensation is for doing his job, not money owed to him that he can give away to others. This is such BS. Vive la France!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I am trying to find a flaw in Jacob's reasoning, but I can't.
The thing is I was trying to play Marry-Fuck-Kill with Fox News and I decided that I would eff Hannity, obvs, and kill O'Reilly, and marry Glenn Beck. And I sort of defied everybody to come up with a better set of choices, and they couldn't. I've always wanted to marry Glenn Beck, because I believe he would be a fantastic husband. Brilliant, manipulative, into marketing, willing to whore out for a buck. The kind of guy who will be mean to the landscapers if I don't have it in me. A team player. Just what I'm looking for, like, a slightly broken Buddy Garrity-type high school Vice Principal who thinks that cars matter. The kind of guy that wants a boat so bad he dreams about it. This is my West Texas upbringing talking: I want a man who's happy to suck barbecue sauce off his fingers even in front of the Queen of England, just to give me something to bitch about on the ride home. And everybody's all, "But he would cry! He would cry and stomp his feet and make strange meaningless graphs!" To which I say, "Let him try that shit at home."

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 approves antisemitism, calls for murder, hate speech, terrorism, genocide


The following comments from one person have been on for several days. Despite an alert on Sunday, they remain present. Conclusion: approves thinks this is acceptable speech on their website.

More on stupid French football fans

When they're not beating each other to death or vandalizing public property or looting stores, French football fans do need something to keep them busy. Thanks to the Olympique de Marseille, fans of Paris St Germain now have a new hobby: planning the destruction of the team merchandise (crap) shop OM plans to open near Châtelet.

Story HERE.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Le Parisien recherche journalistes

Qui parlent français :
De son propre chef, le père Stephen Kiesle avait demandé à être défroqué alors que ces tendances pédophiles étaient clairement établies.
"ces" N'EST PAS "ses"

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A novel form of police brutality...

Marc explains the news from France...

Read the story HERE.

Although I do post a bit on the reflex of the French "youth" to riot and loot whenever a complete stranger who happens also to be a youth happens to kill himself while running away from the cops (typically without a helmet or license on a speeding stolen off-road motorbike operating on the street), I strongly feel that the revolt against the police is largely motivated by the abuse of police power in France, where a cop can beat up a guy coming out of the police station and get as punishment a simple 6-month unpaid leave.

But the case linked to above takes the cake. After the case of the young woman arrested in her bedroom and taken handcuffed to the police station in her PJs because she may have witnessed an assault in front of her lycée, we have the case of three young men from Marseille who, during a cigarette break in front of the school, got into an argument with a schoolmate in which some foul language and insults were used.

Girl calls mom, who happens to be a police officer in another city. Mom arrives with a group of twelve cops in three vehicles, forces her way into the lycée, and arrests the three guys. They're taken to her police station, which has no jurisdiction for this lycée, are entered in the national crime registry, fingerprinted, photographed, and have a DNA sample taken.

This is nuts... but will be even nuttier will be the consequences. I'm betting that there will be almost none.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

DP April 1 One-by-one

Letter Writer 1 is a college girl whose vagina hurts when penetrated. Doctors tell her all sorts of stuff, including "meet a guy and get comfy first". But LW claims her college runs on a sex-first-only basis. Prudie says get a fortieth medical opinion. And rethink the hook-up plan.
My take: What Prudie said as far as the medical stuff goes. And what Prudie says about "hook ups". I can't believe that it's just a given that sex has replaced having a coffee together as the first step of a relationship. What Prudie misses is that vaginal sex is not the only kind of sex around. The kidz seem to think that things like "anal sex acts" and "oral sex acts" are not sex (even though "sex" is their middle name). If LW must engage in these sad "hook-ups", and until she figures out what's going on with her vagina, there's plenty of sex she can be having.

Video LW is a yakker who makes sweet talk to her honey non stop. Her friends are sick of it and tell her that all too soon, she won't think her sweetheart's so sweet. How should she respond? Prudie thinks she may be overdoing the verbal PDAs.
My take: Just why do you care? You may be making too many intimate calls in their presence, which is a manners issue. But as to their comments on your loveydoveyness, in one ear and out the other is the best policy, IMO.

LW2's father has had a debilitating stroke and she doesn't know how to be able to spend time with him. Prudie says to spend time with him.
My take: What Prudie said. Which is better? Having your father remember better days that show how much he has meant to you, or having him think you don't care about him now?

LW3 is a fat gay college student who's got the hots for a fellow student. But object of lust is out of his league lookswise. Prudie gives a strategy for approaching the hottie, but tells LW that he'll probably have to settle for other fat guys.
My take: Based on personal experience, I would ask Prudie to step back from her notion that the only guys a fat guy can get are other fat guys. And why should LW not be under the same influence as the others? It's not just gay culture that tells us that beautiful people are more attractive, or that fit people are more beautiful than unfit people. And it's not just the effect of some media conspiracy. I'm willing to bet that just about any person we find exceptionally beautiful today would have been considered at least quite attractive at any other time in history. But I guess Prudie's ultimate advice does work: get a great job, get rich, and you can have all the pretty boys you want.

LW4 is friends with a woman who she thinks is stealing from her employer. Prudie says to give friend a warning to cut out the stealing.
My take: I guess Prudie's advice is OK as far as it goes. But if you're convinced she's stealing (duh), then why would you want to be friends with her? If she steals from her employer "because everyone's doing it", she'll be happy to find a rationalization for stealing from you (like maybe your husband, if it suits her). I don't think there's any need to warn her about the risks of stealing. I'm gonna assume she knows that it's morally and legally wrong.