Sunday, January 17, 2010

DP Jan 14: All-in-one

Dear Prudence,

I live in an apartment building in a big city. Across the street is an office building, which is great in terms of privacy. My wife and I are usually gone during the day when there are people in the building, and at night, when we like to do the naughty stuff, there's no-one there to watch. This means we can keep the blinds up and the window open, thus lowering our need for air conditioning. I know that an open window is better than air conditioning, because the Green Lantern said so.

Anyhow, our problem is not the night, but on weekends, when even if we wanted to do the naughty with the windows up, we couldn't! You see, Prudie, the offices across the street from our bedroom windows are occupied by a law firm, and the older guy who occupies the large office (must be a partner) in direct view has the habit of working on weekends. I say "working" but I don’t know how many assignments he manages to finish, since he always seems to be accompanied by an attractive young woman. I'm guessing they're law students, based on their age and dress, and there's a new one every weekend.

The street is not very wide, and because we live in the business district, pretty quiet on the weekend, so we can hear the guy talking (he's old and apparently hard of hearing, so his voice carries). The first day he goes on about how unhappy he is since his wife divorced him (he's been telling the same story for three years!), and usually by the second day, he and the law student are going at it big time. Well, not so big time, since he usually has to take a break quite quickly to catch his breath, but he has all afternoon, so there ends up being quite a lot to see.

My wife usually walks the dog on Sunday afternoon (I prefer my pet, an extra cool tarantula… no need to walk them, and it's so neat when they eat crickets!!!!!!), so I can enjoy the show put on by the law students.

I was IMing a buddy at work about the latest show, and the IT guy flagged it for inappropriate use of corporate resources. Normally I'd get off with a warning, but the IT guy happens to be my brother-in-law once removed. Normally such matters are strictly confidential, but he told his wife, who told her sister, aka my wife, that I was into the "assignment viewing". What do you make of this gross violation of my personal life!!!???? Anyway, now my wife wants to punish me by taking away my tarantula!!!! And make me walk the damn dog!!!! The bitch (applies to both wife and dog)!!!!

So here's my question, Prudie: I told my wife I wouldn't watch from the bedroom anymore. But if I watch from the living room (obstructed view, but better than nothing), am I breaking my promise?



1 comment:

Kati said...

Marc, this is hilarious!

PS: I felt bad about picking on you in the Slate Fray about Haiti. Wrote a response there.