Thursday, August 4, 2011

Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is so "OMG/I want to kill this man". This is a Savage Love letter written to Prudie, so I dread her answer. Anyhow, this Adonis of a husband is bored with his sex life, and gets his wife to agree to swing. The other guy is old, fat, balding and ugly, but far better endowed than LW. After seeing his wife in ecstasy, he now wants to divorce her and beat her up, in any order you prefer.
My take: Yes, please let this woman be free from her whining insecure egotistical husband. So you wanted your sex life spiced up? But when you say "your" you really mean just yours, not yours and hers. Grow up, get help, or get out, you putz of a pretty boy. He made your wife howl not because of his mega cock, but because he's a better lover. Maybe because he's into giving pleasure, rather than validating his own attractiveness.
Prudie gives it to him good, so I'm happy.

Video letter is from a woman whose BFF ran off with her cousin, left school, and started popping out babies. LW broke off ties because she disapproved of their life path. Now the couple is back in town, and LW would like to renew their ties, but they are so different (she is a rising yuppie and they are trailer trash, from the way she puts it). Prudie says that the way to a parent's heart is through their kids, so pretend to adore the brats.

Letter 2 is a bit complicated. LW is a woman who is pregnant. Her fiancé is worried about becoming a father because of a history of mental illness in his paternal relatives. LW is convinced that her FIL is not the biodad, for a variety of reasonable reasons, including her slutty MIL. Should she ask her MIL about her fiancé's parentage or STFU?
I say, if he was so worried about ever producing offspring, he would have had a vasectomy. I imagine he's more worried about getting married and becoming a father than he is in his genetic background, which sounds a lot like a pretext for some unhealthy curiosity and meddling on your part. STFU. Now, on to Prudence: She says to STFU, but that since we all know LW won't STFU, Prudie suggests she speak to her fiancé rather than accusing her MIL of being a tramp.

Letter 3 is from someone who offered to recommend a jobless friend for a job in her firm. Now she's learned that he's not a good employee (he got fired as an intern!), and would rather not recommend him. Can she pull out? Of course you can pull out. Your recommendation of a loser makes you look bad. You can tell him a position is available and who to write to, but that's it. And if it makes it easier, tell him you recommended him: he may still get the job, and he's not going to get it on your say-so anyway.
Prudie says to tell him the truth (but not the whole truth), because he's young and still able to change. Feh. I think that if you had no idea about his work experience, even from him, he's not that close a friend.

Letter 4 is from a dog owner who "crates" their dog, which means that they can't do any after-work socializing because the dog will have been in a crate for too long. I say: do not own a dog. You are cruel. Find this dog a new home, and get yourself a cat. If you are going to be out 12 hours straight, you should not have a dog. Do not own a dog. I am repeating myself, but you shouldn't own a dog.
Prudie says to train the dog, take the dog to doggie day care, get someone to give her more exercise, bla bla bla. The real answer: find this dog another home.


CoolOne said...

And besides all that, give the dog to a better home.

Anonymous said...

I vote that the wife from #1 and the dog from #4 run away together.