Sunday, October 25, 2009

DP 22 Oct 2009: All-in-one

Read the original letters HERE

Dear Prudence,

I'm writing to ask for some decorating advice. I know I might be better off writing Martha Stewart or Brini Maxwell, but after seeing the lovely interior of your home in those SlateV letters, I figure you might be a good person to ask.

The problem is this painting. My wonderful boyfriend of 14.5 months is about to move in with me at last. He's something of an artist, and he wants to hang one of his paintings on our bedroom wall. I have a large but open plan home, where even the bathroom is separated only by a net curtain from the rest of the place, so anything hung in the bedroom is visible throughout the apartment.

I have no issues with the artistic qualities of the work, but it happens to be a nude portrait of his only sister. I'm sure this will raise some eyebrows among visitors to my home, especially since his sister and I look remarkably alike, particularly from the neck down. I am reticent to have this work hanging in my home, and have told my boyfriend this. He began by correcting my English, and telling me that I should have said "reluctant" rather than "reticent". You can see how I can't help but be crazy about this guy! He's so smart!

He continued by insisting that his sister was beautiful, and her naked body was something anyone would enjoy seeing. I don't want to be a prude, but I can't help thinking there is something more here than a simple decorating issue. For example, I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend's father. He's quite old and can no longer drive, and I end up running a lot of errands with him. I've appreciated spending time with him, especially because my mother got herself knocked up by this creep who abandoned her, and never managed to find another guy to serve as a father figure for me. So being treated like a daughter by this kindly gentleman has been a great joy for me.

The joy wears a little thin, however, when we go grocery shopping. He enjoys scarfing down anything unpackaged, and says that as long as it's on its way to his duodenum by the time he gets to the checkout, it's free. This is of course quite silly, but I haven't been able to get him to stop. At least, not until last Monday, when security caught him. I was able to explain everything, but when I called my boyfriend's apartment to get him come and post bail, it was his sister who answered, right away. That's kind of important, because the only phone in my boyfriend's place is in his bedroom. When I asked my boyfriend what she was doing there, he said she was helping him pack up the portrait of her he wants to hang in my apartment. And when I asked why they were both panting, he said that they had had to turn it every which way to get in in the packing crate. So you see, he's pretty serious about going through with this.

I think the best solution may be to make it clear that the painting isn't of me by going back to my natural brunette hair color, but my boyfriend, who got me to go blonde in the first place, refuses.

As I see it, my options are:
  • Dump the BF (but I love him so much and he's wonderful in every way except this one)
  • Dye my hair back to brunette (but he says he'll leave me if I do)
  • Have him cut down the painting to remove the head (but he says that would make a travesty of his art)
  • Refuse to hang the painting (but he says if the painting doesn't come, he won't, which means that now that he's given up his lease, he'll have to move in with his sister)
  • Refuse to spring his father the next time he gets caught pilfering, which would allow us to move into his father's spacious and non-open-plan house, where we can hang the painting in a disceet location (I don't really see a "but" here, so this may be the way to go).

I really don't know what to do! Help Prudie!


Lady of a Portrait

1 comment:

Kati said...

Wow! That explains everything...
A bientot,