Thursday, April 29, 2010

DP April 29 All-in-one

The original letters and answers can be found HERE.

Dear Prudie,

I'm engaged to a wonderful man, who happens to be my my supervisor at work. Most of the time he's just so wonderful, but once in a while, particularly at lunchtime, he drinks a wee bit too much. He gets all weepy and emotional and I have to drag him into my cubicle to get him out of sight of my colleagues. As you can imagine, this is seriously impairing my ability to get my job done. Once he got so drunk that he shat in his pants, and I had to race out to Kmart to get him a pair of replacement underpants and tuh-RRRRousers, and missed an important call... which he had the nerve to criticize me for. I am glad that he has stopped going out at night to bars to get drunk, after an incident last year when he hit a deer while driving home from a night on the town.

Almost worse is that although he is totally gorgeous, all the drinking has made him neglect his acne treatment, and he is now covered in zits, which as a dermatologist's daughter I find particularly icky. And in the home stretch to the wedding, he has had his best friend from back home (who will be his best man at our wedding) move in with us. It turns out that the guy is 100% trailer trash, and has come equiped with this huge pit bull sort of dog that he keeps on a choke collar pegged on a short chain in our backyard, which is doing no good for my image with the neighbors. (They already have some strange ideas about us, ever since I put those shit-stained boxers of my fiancé on our clothesline in the backyard... I am environmentally conscious, and the Green Lantern would certainly look askance at me throwing them out, or worse, using our clothes dryer.)

I have to admit that all of this has factored into some serious questioning about going through with the wedding. I even looked up my high-school sweetheart, about whom I often daydream. It turns out that he was run over by a hit-and-run driver last year, so my plan B is off the table. And so, after thinking about my situation, I need your advice about an important matter:

How do I get my fiancé to accept that we won't be putting Stoli on our bridal registry?


Blush bride

1 comment:

Kati said...

Marc, your all in one is "genial"! And hilarious...