Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from an adult guy who is in love with and living with his fraternal brother. Tell the family or keep hiding the truth? Prudie recommends a middle ground. I have nothing better.

I have already spoken to the video letter. STFU. You're the proprietor and are not supposed to be tipped at all, so stop bitching about the non-tipper who regularly brings in a crowd of tippers.

Letter 2 is from a dumpy woman recently hired by a firm that has been accused of discrimination because the men-only managers only hire babes as underlings. Clients note she's not a babe. Prudie tells her to get over it, and in any case, to not show that she's hurt or offended. I agree.

Letter 3 is from a woman whose mother has given her new dog the name of LW's daughter (what's with "Lilly" with two Ls?). She asks: “Should I just let it go?” Yes. Prudie says to ask her to change the dog's name. Prudie's response about Adult Children of Dog Lovers reminded me of this David Sedaris story: http://www.esquire.com/features/three-stories-sedaris-0300

Letter 4 is from a woman with the most wonderful BF in the world. He's a Felix Unger and she is just a bit on the Oscar Madison side of Felix Unger. She is anxious every time he comes home lest a throw pillow be a few degrees askew. Prudie says: “Here’s a way for the place to look untouched when your boyfriend returns. After you see him off, get your suitcase, pack your things, and move out. If you aren’t ready to do that, before he comes home, forget the checklists and just live your life. When he returns, if he rages, threatens, or gives you the silent treatment, accept that his good qualities do not outweigh that he’s a bully who will make your life a misery. Imagine his reaction to the chaos a child might cause.” I can only agree.

Advice Illustrated

The crepes were great. First time making galettes, also great. Thanks to BF for being such a great host!

Today's a vagina Day special! What? That's not what V-Day stands for?

Letter 1 is from a woman who is finally making the father of her children an honest man. The problem is that while they look fantastic on their own, when ever they are in close proximity, they turn ugly. Or something equally stupid. She refused to have photos at their engagement party, and now is refusing to have them at the wedding. The ugly groom's future MIL is upset.
I say: get over yourself and get those pictures.
Prudie goes Star Trek on us and talks about Klingons and Romulans breeding. We do know that Vulcans and Humans can breed (Sarek + Amanda, Trip + T'mpax...), as well as Humans and Klingons (B'elanna Torres, that feisty engineer on Voyager). But I don't recall Klingons and Romulans getting it on.

I can't play the video letter here. It doesn't show up. A Chrome thing. So I'm gonna make something up. "Dear Prudence, It's almost Valentine's Day, and I just know my BF of three months is going to give me flowers. The thing is, I'm horribly allergic to roses, and I'm just sure he's going to get me roses. Those are the classic romantic flowers, right? So what do I do? If I tell him no roses, it will sound presumptious. If I tell him no flowers, it's even worse. But if I come within three feet of the things, I curl up and die. Signed, Roses Are Guns" "Dear Rosie the Epipenner: Accept the flowers, and if they're roses, die."

Letter 2 is from a woman so old she can feel her ovaries cracking. She's about to marry some guy she's known for less time than a mid-series replacement sitcom. Everyone she knows thinks she's moving too fast, needs to make the morning last now, etc.
Prudie should disqualify herself, as she discloses that she married after knowing her husband for four years (but as we also know, he was a marriage-tested commodity, being a widower and all). Prudie writes: "I love reading the New York Times wedding announcements, and it’s not unusual for people to recount that after the first date they knew they had found the one.” Can you spot the logical fallacy? Is there a New York Times divorce announcement page where people splitting up also recount that after their first day they thought they had found the one? In any case, she recommends waiting at least a year before getting engaged.
As for me, it sounds like a hostage/abuse situation, especially if this relationship is breaking up her existing relationships (“former best friend”????). Given my warning bells going off, I'm saying: dump him.

Letter 3 is from a victim of Farhad Manjoo, who followed his advice to check his “other messages” on Facebook, where he found a message from the wife of his fiancée's colleague, claiming that fiancée had an affair with colleague. LW is not too worried about the affair (before his time), but is concerned that the wife will be making trouble for fiancée. Should he tell her?
Prudie says: “If your fiancee did not have an affair with her co-worker, she should know that his paranoid wife thinks she did. If she did have the affair, she should know that his vindictive wife is out there spreading word of it.” I agree.

Letter 4 is from a person whose new GF has just started working again in a job that pays much less well than her previous position. Can LW help her out financially?
My answer: No! You can make sure that you relieve her of financial responsibility for all the extras (dinner, movies, vacation...). Prudie agrees.

Advice Illustrated

It's Groundhog Day in the U.S. of A, and la Chandeleur (Candlemas) here, where the tradition is to make crepes. We're having a crepe party tonight!

Letter 1 is from a recently wed older woman who was hoping for an active child-free retirement with her new hubby. Alas, hubby is saddled with raising his teenage granddaughter. LW wants to fob the teen off on the mother (her step-daughter) who abandoned her so many years ago so that she can enjoy her comfy life without soccer practice.
I say: first, it's for just a couple more years (teen is 16, so she'll be an adult in 2 years, presumably off to college since she's doing well in school). Second, if you can't deal, divorce. Your husband has been this child's grandfather far longer than he's been your spouse. Yes, you are a wicked step-grandma.
Prudie agrees.

Video letter is from a woman whose mother won't shut up.Prudie wonders if this is new behavior, which can represent an illness, dementia, etc. Get her checked out. I agree.

Letter 2 is from a woman who had a stillbirth a few months ago. It was hard to get pregnant (she's 40) so it's a great loss. She has a problem with one of her friends: 'one of them in particular took the lead in sending word out and checking on me. “Ashley” has two kids and one on the way. She is a good friend, but some things she says are hurtful, such as: "I'm so much more blessed than you." Or she’ll call and chatter about how her daughter is giving her a hard time, then say she pities me because I don’t have children. Recently she asked if I was having the worst winter of my life. I responded that it wasn't the best, to which she said she was having a great winter.' LW asks how to deal with this.

I say, dump her. She's no good for you. This isn't a friendship.
Prudie says to tell her off and put her on probation, and to contact a support group.

Letter 3 is from a person whose brother and his wife haven't consummated their marriage. There are all sorts of issues, and he doesn't listen to the kind advice and suggestions he's received from the men in the family. I say, if he doesn't listen to advice, what are you supposed to do? Lock them in a room together? Tie her up so he can ravish her? It's not really your business. I'm voting annulment.
Prudie wants INTERVENTIONS. And a referral to Christian sex therapists. Huh?

Letter 4 is from a woman who wants to get back the quilt she made for her husband's late grandmother. The deceased's daughter and granddaughter think it should go to them. LW thinks this wish is more about spiting her than any love for this memento. Hubby doesn't want to take sides.
I say: he needs to take sides. Let it go to the mother, or if not, to him. He certainly has as much claim (more really) than his sister. But if he doesn't, let it go. Prudie's advice is probably wiser.

Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from a 50yo wife of a brain-damaged husband. She doesn't want to leave him, because the burden would just be on her children. But she misses sex, etc. Can she take a lover? Of course. But be discreet. Prudie agrees, in a more enlightening fashion.

Video letter is from Mercedes Benz, and then about a girl whose mom made them stay at mom's bro's place in NYC during a visit, despite the fact that the place stank of cat. She left for a hotel, infuriating everyone at her “rudeness”. If she's old enough to pay for her own hotel, then she's old enough to choose to go to the hotel. As Prudie says: is her entire family crazy? (But just where did she think they were doing to stay? This is weird.)

Letter 2 is so bad it must be quoted in extenso:

“My husband and I are happily married with two children. Over the years, my husband's sister and her husband have struggled with infertility. They finally asked if I would act as a surrogate. My husband and I did not take this lightly, but we decided to help them. Last year I gave birth to a lovely daughter. I lost the weight easily after my first two pregnancies but have been struggling after this one and am embarrassed about my slow progress. My sister-in-law has started making insensitive remarks about my body that would be rude in any circumstances but cut more deeply given that I gained this weight while pregnant with her daughter. At Thanksgiving, she said I’d need to work out extra hard to make up for what was on my plate. At a family birthday, she suggested I get only a small slice of cake. What, if anything, should I say to my sister-in-law when she makes these hurtful remarks? If she asked me to be a surrogate again, I’d refuse because of her attitude. But would that be selfish?”

The question asked is: “would that be selfish?”. The answer is: “no”. The follow-up is: “did you really want an answer to that particularly dumb question, or did you want to bitch about your SIL?”

She's a bitch. Here's what you say the next time she makes a comment: “It's true I got fat bearing your child. It's a pity God hates you so much he made you a barren sterile hag” or “a dried-up crone with a uterus full of twigs”, if you'd rather.

Letter 3 is from the head of a small family-style (hah!) departement in a big firm. His latest hire is destroying the cozy atmosphere of the place, but “a friend in HR” says he can't fire the guy since he hasn't done anything wrong. Prudie says to get real action from HR. If he's an at-will employee, as is very likely (since those labor unions are so eeeviiiill), he can be dumped. I say that he is overestimating the lovely atmosphere before (“like a family” makes my skin crawl), but that yes, he should get rid of the guy.

Letter 4 is from an uptight woman who is going on a family vacation with her husband and son and inlaws. She wants each family to cook separately so that her child doesn't eat hot dogs and hamburgers. Prudie says to get off her nutritional soapbox. I agree.

Advice Illustrated: I agree with Prudence (yikes!)

Letter 1 is from this scrotum whose GF of six months (and “love of his life”) is the maid of honor at her BFF's wedding. Problem is she's maid out (!) with three of the groomsmen, including the best man, who apparently is pining after her. It's all so so painful: should he skip the wedding? Best part: “She said I should consider how she feels, having to participate in a wedding along with these guys. That makes sense, but those are the repercussions of her actions.” Yeah, the bitch had sex (or something close to it). Good thing all she got was discomfort, and not a STI, or a baby. How dare she have sexual relations in her circle of friends?!
I say, skip the wedding, and skip the relationship, you insecure pathetic lamester.
What does Prudie say? She says to suck it up, get modern, and go to the wedding.

Video letter's entitled “Psycho Wedding Guest”. So that's great. LW is getting married and her fiancé's BFF will be the best man, but BFF's wife (LW's former BFF!) is crazy and did all sorts of crazy things. A police report was filed! Can they have him but not her?
A police report? And...? Charges? A trial? As Prudie says, this is a social event, but you can't have him without her, so he can't be the best man, or even a guest. I agree. When you marry a crazy, there are repercussions, such as being a social pariah. (But I think there's much more to this story and wouldn't mind hearing the crazy's version.)

Letter 2 is from a woman whose husband's father is a wastrel and a spendthrift. On the brink of ruin, he's about to be taken in by LW's MIL, who herself has divorced her second horrible husband (I'm correcting the LW's version, which said “horrible second husband”). When it all goes to hell, LW knows her husband will have to pick up the pieces.
I have little empathy with people who have millions of dollars to waste on wine, women and song. These are literally rich people's problems. Prudie says LW and hubbie are not his parents' keepers. I agree.

Letter 3 is from a woman whose prankster husband's latest “prank” got him fired after nearly killing a coworker. She's taken the coworker's side and is disgusted by her husband. I say, DTMFA and find a man to marry this time, rather than a kid. Prudie agrees, in a more moderate fashion.

Letter 4 is from a student teacher interning with a horrible teacher. She needs a good evaluation from the teacher, but would really like to report the witch. I say: play nice, get the evaluation, and when you're settled in your profession, rat her out. Like anyone cares... Prudence agrees.

Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from a liar. LW told her BF that she "wanted to make all his sexual fantasies come true", but when he told her what his (pretty vanilla) fantasy was, she freaked. Not GGG at all! He wants her to play a young girl. Prudie wisely (surprising!) says there's a difference between fantasy and reality, giving the example of some women who have rape fantasies.

Video letter is from a woman whose husband keeps provoking nighttime sex even after she asked to stop that. She wakes up to find him screwing her, and screams to get him stop. He says "he can't help it".
He can help it, and this is abuse, or even rape. Prudie says he may have a sleep disorder. But if not, it's time for urgent counseling. I'm inclined to say that if there's no medical cause, DTMFA.

Letter 2 is from a woman whose 17yo step daughter, who lives with LW and her husband, wants to terminate her unplanned pregnancy. Biomom, who step-daughter sees regularly, is anti-choice and anti-contraception (a dangerous combo). LW isn't sure she wants to support this abortion, because she could raise the baby (huh?). But step-daughter has plans for her future that are incompatible with single teen momdom. LW could manage to help SD but doesn't want to hide this from her husband (who is also anti-abortion, and apparently would "go on a rampage". But if she helps SD, biomom will go ballistic.

Prudie says to go to Planned Parenthood to learn the legal options, etc., adding: "Despite inflammatory political rhetoric, the mission of Planned Parenthood is not to perform abortions, but to provide the crucial services that prevent unwanted pregnancies." Dear Prudie: the opponents of abortion know that, and don't care. They are against contraception, too. They are against anything that allows women to control their bodies and their reproduction. Cf Rick Santorum. HERE. And alas, she'll have to inform her husband.

Girls (and guys): Belts and braces! Contraceptives AND condoms. (And let's give a hand for Obama's refusal to accept medical recommendations re Plan B. Thank goodness Americans have a progressive president in the White House.)

Letter 3 is from a guy who works at a place where the 20yo receptionist sucks her thumb. Everyone, including her boss, can see this, but no-one has done anything. Should he say something? Prudie says to say nothing to her, but to tell higher ups that LW feels the receptionist is giving the place a bad image. Yeah.

Letter 4 is from a woman... read it yourself HERE. It's too boring. Oh, alright, but I can't be bothered to summarize:

I host a book club at my apartment. At a recent gathering one woman brought a pair of boots she was planning to return to the store. I don’t know why she brought them, since the store would have been closed by the time we finished. I did not see the boots, but she asked me for a paper bag to put them in. The day after the book club, she emailed saying she had left the boots at my house and wanted to get them. I searched my apartment and couldn’t find a grocery bag with the boots anywhere. I emailed the group to see if someone accidentally picked them up, and no one responded. I told her that they may have inadvertently been recycled since we were using the same type of grocery bags to collect bottles and cans that evening. I also suggested she may have left with them and misplaced them afterward. She is adamant that they went missing at my place and has hinted that I should pay for them. Do I owe her for the cost of the boots?

Prudie says to ignore her hinting, and if she asks outright, to calmly refuse. Yeah.

Advice Illustrated

Letter 1 is from a silly girl who is mortified because she farted in bed. If I were Prudence I would have played with her head more, because she's such an easy target.

Video letter is from a woman whose friend has a precocious 9yo son. He's an obnoxious manipulative boor. I say, when he behaves badly to you, leave. 

Prudie compares the kid to Stewie Griffin and suggests seeing her BFF without the kid.

Letter 2 is from a person who has learned that their friend and business partner is going to die. Friend is in denial. At the least, this impacts their business and other partners. Ugh. Prudie says the partners at least have to know, so give the friend one last chance to come clean. Ahem. Re pronoses, I recall Stephen J. Gould's analysis of his own diagnosis of cancer: http://cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html

Letter 3 is from a crazy lesbian who is letting her girlfriend influence her with regard to LW's "relationship" with her crazy, racist, homophobic estranged father. I say: tell the GF to stuff it. This biological sample donor was not part of your life for some 20 years, and won't ever be a part of your life. Period.

Letter 4 is from a well-educated dummy who wonders if the low-income applicant to his alma mater is really low income. That, dear sir, is the role of the financial aid procedure, not amateur google-detectives.