Thursday, September 23, 2010

Dear Prudence, 23 Sept 2010, All-in-one

Dear Prudence,

I was what they call an early bloomer, and have been cursed with some of the biggest knockers you've ever seen. Ever since I had my first child and started breast feeding, they've only gotten bigger. I'd like to change to bottle feeding, but the little tyke refuses to take anything from the bottle, and even refuses most solid food. I want to have breast reduction surgery as soon as the baby is weaned (in approximately 4 years, I think), but it's an expensive procedure.

After a spate of unemployment that coincided with the first months of our son's life, my husband has found a well-paid but demanding job. I'd like him to work fewer hours so he can spend more time with our son, in particular picking up toys. You can't imagine how my back ends up killing me after bending over and straightening up with these lolos weighing me down.

In order for him to be able to work fewer hours, and for me to save up for my surgery, I've decided to take a part-time teaching position. A public school is out of the question, because I have a police record from my teen years when I moonlighted as a security guard in an amusement park. One day I finally had enough of the drunken patrons making lewd comments about my girls, and I ended up using my nightstick in a manner not recommended by the manufacturer. I got off with a suspended sentence, but I will never be able to work in a public school.

In the end, the only place I can use my teaching degree is at the private school in town where I myself was a student. Alas, the place is full of bad memories for me, for I was cruelly taunted by m 7th-grade teacher, who made the most impertinent and inappropriate remarks about my precocious rack. Far worse than those memories is the fact that this woman is still teaching, and I will see her every day.

So, Dear Prudence, can you please tell me: where can I get a 58-EEE sports bra with good support and a bit of compression?


Back-to-work Moommy

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